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she lost the baby
the house nearly burnt down
baby jesus is nobody’s baby now
watched him pick the pack of smokes out of the bin
this time of year has always been so hard on him
last christmas at my aunty’s house
I tried so hard to make my uncle shut his mouth
grandma cried, can't this wait
drink a cup of juice, try to celebrate
the family asked me to sing them all a song
get up in the lounge room while they keep the tv on
pick a fun one, everybody claps
plates of cold cuts tremble in their laps
watch me go to bed alone this year
there was someone I wanted but, they’re no longer here
grow up girl, it’s good for your health
to go to bed sometimes simply holding yourself
she lost the baby the house might still burn down
baby jesus is nobody’s baby now
wanna be there to pick her up off the floor
but I’ve never had to reach this far down before
this christmas at my aunty’s house
I’m gonna try so hard to open up my mouth
say it loud, and hope it’s true
next year will be much easier on you
about
2019 was a pretty rough one for my family. I was touring the whole year carrying a lot of guilt for not being able to be at home. Singing super sad songs every night was a blessing and a curse depending on the day. I was imagining Christmas as being this time where we all came together again and took a collective breath but then the bushfires hit and my family live in the country so it was a direct threat. I was living in Melbourne, still pretty new to it, and wasn’t able to go home, the roads were blocked and my family were being evacuated periodically for a month. At one point Melbourne was blanketed in smoke from the fires, the sun was this menacing red, it felt apocalyptic and pretty hopeless. I wrote this in my room looking forward to 2020, hoping it would be a reset of some kind lol.
credits
released December 8, 2020
co-produced by Julia Jacklin and Blain Cunneen
engineered by Blain Cunneen
mixed by Tom Healy